21th of April 2014, Spring time I am French mother tongue so do not hesitate to send me your corrections. Much thanks.
I found by chance this image BOY GIRL on the web this morning and it made me think a little. For me it is obvious that the girl is being pragmatic and certainly close to a reality. I identify with her completely.
It made me think as well about another topic sometimes connected to this one.
When a man is angry, it can happen he will react by cutting off or remaining completely silent.
When he cuts off, the woman in most of the cases thinks he is just having fun with another girl and forgetting about her, so she does the same on her side, she will search for someone to warm her up, to give her confidence, to cuddle her especially if she does not wish to be resentful but generous and altruist with him. She will just go on with her life, far away from any kind of bitterness and for this the best way is to have fun as well on her own. As most of the women even the not pretty ones, she might have some men queuing up for her, she will not have to search very far away to be cuddled. Instead of refusing the proposals, she might be tempted to let go and to pick up the nicest man around her, the one deserving her to give him a chance at least.
Sometimes hopefully, after a few months or years, there is an explanation being given by the first lover for the break up; it can happen the man had cut off because he was jealous or upset for a reason. The woman in reaction feels humiliated that he had all his bad feelings inside him without telling her and in most of the cases, it is too late because she is with someone else, someone good who does not make her suffer so she will keep this person in her life, and will not come back or at least not like before.
With my first boy friend, when I was a teenager, this problem happened.
He came to pick me up at school, and started to make fun at the way I was dressed up, was nasty, did not kiss me as nicely as usual. So I just assumed he was fed up with me and had found another girl friend. He never told me he loved me, was introvert, and 3 years older than me, so I was feeling all the time childish compare to the girls in his class room who were beautiful.
So, we did not see each others during months, but for NYE, so more than 6 months after our break up we slapped each others in a party and fought like crazy. He had said that I was a slut in front of me and other people, but the thing is I was a virgin and he was the first man I ever kissed so I could not be a slut… And we went on with our relation again but without talking about our first break up at all, it was kind of taboo between us, our dark period. Maybe I did not want to know about it. About why and what he did or not.
After having slapped each others, he invited me for a slow dance and we kissed again, our cheeks all red and burning.
Our relation was Ok but not great during those 6 coming months. The magic of our beginnings had gone away. I was bored and of course successful with other young men, as I was a teenager, and so the competition was tough for him but he did not seem to notice. He was introvert, secretive, and well not really what I had wished for. He told me he loved me, but I did not answer back, because I still had in mind those 6 months when we broke up and for me the explanation was that he went out with another girl, with whom he could have sex, older than me, so I did not tell him back that I was in love with him, I was still resentful.
At the end, after 6 months and half , I kissed someone else. I was on holidays, as usual he had not called me during weeks, did not come with me.
My friend was a Capricorn in astrology, he was born during the NYE, and they have the reputation to be sometimes cold and introvert but faithful and deep, a winter sign. I kissed an Aries… Who are all fire and passion, I never experienced it before, did not know what it was, A man all fire and passion. It was like being in Greenland and suddenly being sent in the middle of the Rio Carnival.
It was great, exactly what I needed. I was struggling in my family life with my divorcing parents, I really needed fun in my love life to change my mind. And so the Capricorn came to join me on holidays, in the South of France and surprised me kissing the Aries…
I did not cheat on him, because when he came back, I could not kiss him, or being touched anymore, it was over, I was in love with someone else but it was the first time I was cheating on someone, so I did not know it was over, I assumed I was just changing my mind, only when he came back and I had to stop seeing the Aries, only at that moment, I understood it was not possible.
We had an explanation and as well about our break up the first time.
I understood why he had been so nasty when he came to pick me up at school more than one year before, and why he had said that I was a slut during NYE.
The Capricorn had a best friend being very nice with me but I was not attracted with him. I don’t think it was only because the Capricorn was handsome and his best friend not as much. It was deeper than that.
My first boy friend had a sadness in him, a kind of silence in himself, I found attractive. He had lost his father at a young age, if I remember his father was climbing a mountain and had an accident, but I am not sure, I know his father was an Alpinist. He lost his father at 2 years old, if I remember well and had been raised by a step father who was nice but I guess his mother had a sadness in herself that never really left her.
The Capricorn was rude with me the first time I met him.
He was a difficult case, not the type of man to bring you flowers and poetry for sure.
When I kissed him, it broke my best girl friend’s heart who was secretly in love with him and it broke as well his best friend’s heart who was secretly in love with me. Maybe I exaggerate, maybe they were just upset, but well, our happiness did not bring happiness to our closest friends.
Four months after our first kiss, his best friend invited me to go to the movie, I accepted as I knew he was a little lonely. We went to the movie, talked, had a coffee or a tea somewhere, and he drove me back home.
Nothing happened. I could not refuse his best friend to go to the movie, because I met them both in the same time, we were part of the same gang of friends, and I knew it would make him happy if I would accept and sad if I would have refused. So with my good heart I accepted. It was 100% friendly.
What I did not know was that his best friend made him believe later on that I had kissed him during the movie, or something like that. Or he imagined it all by himself.
Knowing that one year later, I felt so incredibly angry after both of them. His best friend to never have told me, to never have tried to make us being together again. To never have repaired his mess. And after him, for his dirty thoughts in his head, so little respect for me, to have such a dirty image of me. I felt disgusted he never asked me anything before breaking up with me.
So to cut off for a man is not really the solution, the silence is not the solution, because as this text Boy-Girl shows quite well most of the women are paranoid, always imagine other girls around, and if they have done nothing wrong, will never imagine the man is angry after them.
I don’t know how many times a man cut off with me because he was mad at me for something after this first break up when I was a teenager. But I guess it happened again without me even today knowing about it.
Another option of the story is:
A man does not call back a woman, or answer any mail because of other reasons like; hesitation, a mistress, needs time to think. Logically the woman assumes the relation is over, tries to be warmed up by someone else, and at that time, the man comes back and starts to be upset because she dated someone else during the time he was away.
Well it is very selfish of him. He should be happy for her she found someone else to warm her up, when him on his side was certainly having some fun or at least some heavy hesitations. He should be altruist, generous. Not to mention the case when the man would have openly explained her he was in love with someone else…
To come back months later with some regrets and to be mad at her because she would have tried on her own to find some happiness, would be pretty childish.
So well, this BOY-GIRL board opens a lot of topics of conversations and in my case some memories.